Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Ducks Out of Row, Trying to Go With the Flow

This morning I made a list of twenty things I wanted to get done today.  Yes, twenty things.

Blogging wasn't one of them, but here I am.

Vacation is over. Well, our week away full of late nights and fun to the max is over.  And my hubs is back to work (thanks for that, Babe!).  And that means I have a very, very messy house. How is that possible when you've been away for a week?  I don't know, but it is.  And hence, my list of twenty things, which could easily be fifty.

But I'm devouring a salad and trying to type at the same time.

Truth is, I'm a little overwhelmed by my kitchen and the inability to get it cleaned up.  The same is true of the living room and the dining room (which still has blue painter's tape on the walls).  Goodness, I'll just admit I'm overwhelmed by  this whole house.  I can't get a thing done, or when I do, it quickly gets undone.  My list of twenty things includes tiny, minuscule items like marinating the roast for tomorrow night.  Things like using up the leftover frosting from the Fourth of July cupcakes and reading aloud to the kids.  Little things to check off to make me feel like I got something done today.  Because I sense that even when the lights go out tonight, the kitchen will still be a wreck.

I know in the grand scheme, these things don't matter.  But I am Ducks-in-a-Row Mama.  I make my lists and I check them so much more than twice. I like order, predictability, and clean countertops.

Why then, four children?

Why then, do I homeschool?

Because I've come to this place- wait, I'm still on a journey to this place- called Surrender.  My life isn't my own.  It's God's. And He has a plan for it that will stretch me and make me need Him like no one else.  Four kids is part of it. Homeschooling is part of it.  And apparently, all my ducks out of order is part of it, too.

And all the crumbs, lest we forget.

I think my lists are something the Lord smiles at. After all, He made me this way.  An ISTJ, according to Meyers-Briggs.  I think my lists are part of my way of bringing glory to Him, just like this unexpected blog post.

But I think He smiled a little bigger when I put everything aside and sat at the kitchen table with Petite today. I had to stack up the laundry that was covering it and move aside a pile of coloring papers.  I had to dig out some of my scrapbooking supplies.  And together we made a birthday countdown chart so that she will know exactly when her big day is.  We put Sleeping Beauty stickers on it and of course the paper was pink.  It wasn't on my list, but it was important.

I don't think I will ever be Go-With-the-Flow Mama.  But I hope that I learn more and more to take a time-out from my schedules and lists and let the frustration over the messy house go.... and just enjoy this very, very short season.

Of four kids.

And homeschool.

And everybody interrupting everybody at the dinner table.

It is all good, if not orderly.

There will be other days for order.