Justina, Health, Love, Freedom

I'm the kind of  person who tries hard to see both sides of an issue.  I also recognize that some issues have many sides.  So with the latest news about Justina Pelletier (permanent custody being given to the state of Massachusetts), I want hard to believe that there is a side to this story I don't know. That the judge and child protective service folks are really acting in the best interest of this 15-year-old girl.  I don't want to jump on the Parental Rights, conservative Christian bandwagon just because they are involved in this case (though I certainly qualify as a parental rights advocate and conservative (to the liberal world) Christian).

It's very difficult to find any information about the case apart from the outrage that is all over the Internet. I do think this counts for something, but in the Boston Globe report on the latest ruling, they cite the judge on several reasons for his ruling.  One is that Pelletier's father was abusive to state officials, using expletives in the presence of his daughter.  Another is that he was unwilling to work with residential homes that Justina may have been sent to, even threatening to sue them.  The family seemed unwilling to compromise with authorities. They wanted sole, full custody returned to them or nothing else.  The parents are also accused of medical abuse and being unfit to care for their daughter.

Again, I'm trying to see the side of the state in this case, but regardless of their reasons for not giving a daughter back to her family, I feel they are not based on what is best for the child.

More and more I believe we live in a country that is so flip-flopped, so off course when it comes to using a moral compass.  It seems you can perform any number of abuses on your unborn child and get away with it, but once that child enters the world, you have less and less control over how you raise it.  Ridiculous things have been called child abuse, like not giving flu shots, spanks on the butt, and feeding your child a certain diet.  Authority over a child more and more seems to be in the hands of "experts"- doctors, child welfare officials, teachers, and other school employees.  You may do whatever you want to that child in utero, but once it is born, you begin to lose the ability to raise that child as you see fit.

Personally, if one of my children had been taken away from me for over a year, I would begin to lose my patience as well.  I would seek any means necessary to get my child back. No doubt I would be angry, frustrated, and use words I would not normally use.  I would be broken, hopeless, not myself.  The love of a parent is often irrational and emotional, and makes us act imperfectly.  As I have often heard, to truly love someone, you must hate everything that wants to harm them.  And hate makes us do things we would not otherwise do.

I find it interesting that the parents are charged with medical child abuse.  They made a regular trek to Boston from Hartford to have their daughter treated for what they call mitochondrial disease.  Her treatments were successful.  Upon visiting a different hospital, Justina was deemed to have a psychiatric disorder instead and has been deteriorating ever since.  She has been living in a psychiatric ward for over a year.  No friends, no family. School?  Who knows.  To me, this is child abuse.  Children shouldn't live in hospitals, particularly psychiatric hospitals.  Children should live in homes, with loving caregivers.  Surrounded by the familiar, the comforting.  Letting a 14 year old girl live in a hospital this long?  That is child abuse.

It gets me thinking of the longer and longer arm that modern health care has in our lives.  We are now legally required to purchase health care (or pay a penalty).  This traditional health care rarely covers "nontraditional"  services like visits to a naturopath or homeopathic doctor.  It doesn't cover supplements, it doesn't promote dietary changes in order to heal and achieve better health.  It makes an assertion that medical doctor's know best when it comes to our health.  It backs up Big Pharm and forces US citizens to buy into this medical machine.  I'm  not arguing the place of modern medicine in our lives, but another removal of personal choice- how we choose to care for our bodies in sickness and in health.

It begins to reach its arm into how we care for our children and their health.

It begins to assert that it knows more than we do, cares more than we do as parents.

This arm is not so much healthcare as it is, of course, our government.

Which has removed a child from her parents for what I consider dubious reasons.

Were the Pelletier's not following the USDA food pyramid in Justina's diet?

Were they using supplements instead of chemicals produced in pharmaceutical labs to treat her?

Are they overtly religious? More specifically, are they conservative Christians (what is now a derogatory term)?

Are these some of the real reasons for losing their daughter?

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I find this all highly suspicious.  And heartbreakingly sad.  The one who is losing in this case is Justina, the one the state is trying to "protect".

I hope this girl knows how much her mommy and daddy love her.  How hard they are fighting for her.

Like mama bears when their babies are threatened, I hope they don't back down.

Love is blind, it's true.  The love of a parent is not rational, it's raw. It's relentless.  Love rarely acts on fact. It is preternatural.  Love cannot, in many ways, be defined by one set of behaviors or feelings.  It is unpredictable.

I welcome your (respectful) feedback on this case.  Show me a side I don't see.  Tell me something I don't know.  But please, even if we disagree, pray for this family.

Stuff I Love - Natural Edition

I'm a junkie, in case you didn't know.  Okay, maybe not as bad as some people, but I am a supplement/natural remedy/natural product junkie.  I finally put a name on it when I received my last shipment from Vitacost.  Josh laughed.

When other people go to the doctor, I go to the Internet.  I go on a search for something, anything that will keep us from going to the doctor's office. Not because we don't have insurance. We do. And it's really good insurance.  But I guess I just have a lot of faith in natural medecine and, well, less faith in modern medecine. Unless I suspect we need antibiotics, we don't go for any reason but regular check ups.  Granted, we've been really healthy.  But maybe it's all those supplements and natural remedies (?).

I'm not bashing the doctor's office. It's just not my preferred method of getting better.

There are some stellar, amazing products out there that I just love and this post is all about them- some Stuff I Love, Naturally.

First and foremost, my favorite toothpaste in the world:

Desert Essence Tea  Tree Oil toothpaste is amazing and when purchased from one of my favorite online retailers, it costs about as much as a fancy tube of whitening Crest but is far better for your teeth and gums and overall oral health.  Even my hygienist noticed a remarkable difference when I started using it, and that was before I had my braces and my teeth were harder to care for due to crowding.  My oral health is so much better since chucking the big name stuff.  Popular toothpastes are full of bad, bad stuff that dries your mouth out and creates an even worse environment.  Bacteria breed happily and profusely in dry mouths.

Another product I love, also by Desert Essence, is their Tea Tree Balm, sold in a little 1 oz pot.  I've had this pot for quite a while. A little dab will do ya with this amazing balm.  I put it on cuts and scrapes, bug bites, itches, almost anything skin related. It is a potent and natural alternative to typical antibacterial lotions. You can even put a tiny bit on facial blemishes.  This stuff is worth so much more than it sells for, in my opinion.

Everything I have tried by Desert Essence I love (except their dental tape- a bit too thick to be comfy for most people's mouths). Their lotions are paraben and SLS free and rich and creamy. They cost less than the lotion from Bath and Body Works and is far more natural and safer to slather on.   I also love their mouthwash- it's not sweet or harsh on the mouth.

With all this talk of tea tree oil products, I should mention that a bottle of tea tree oil itself is a must have. It's inexpensive and you can mix up your own toothpaste, mouthwash, and balms with it.  You can dab a little on a cotton swab or ball and apply it to bug bites. I even swab some directly on my gums once a week or so and then rinse with water or mouthwash.  It is a fantastic, all  purpose, healthy oil to have on hand.


I've never had any luck losing weight by drinking shakes, but since I'm not a breakfast eater, a good healthy shake is a great way to get some food into me when I'd rather not eat.  The best shake I've found at the most reasonable cost is Alive Pea Protein shakes, sold in both vanilla and chocolate. I love that they are soy-free and relatively low in sugar. Plus they are loaded with vitamins,minerals, and other great things like a veggie blend, orchard blend, and green blend.  Best of all, it leaves me satisfied for a long time.  I know Shakeology is all the rage now and I've heard great things about it. I just can't justify the cost when the Alive shake is such a great product at a third of the cost.  Also, I try to avoid soy, which is Shakeology's main protein component. Not knocking it, but the Alive shake is my preference.

One of the recent things I've grown to love is powdered peanut butter! I had heard of it, but couldn't imagine why you'd use it. I assumed it had as much fat and calories as regular peanut butter. Boy was I wrong!  Two tablespoons of powdered peanut butter has only 45 calories and 1.5 grams of fat... but tastes just like two big scoops of peanut butter in my morning shake. My local Walmart is now carrying it right alongside regular peanut butter, at about $4.50 a jar for 15 servings. Not too shabby and what a great way to save substantial fat and calories (though I have very few bad things to say about fat.)

I've long hated using commercially made deodorants due to the aluminum, among other nasty ingredients.  But frankly, none of the natural, aluminum free deodorants I've purchased have worked. At all.  They just make me feel wet and stinky.  The closest I've come to making my own deodorant is putting some rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball and swabbing my underarms. This does work pretty well because it kills bacteria, but I find I need a little more protection as the day progresses.  In my search for something that could work, and be better for me, I heard about Nature de France deodorants. The reviews were the best I've ever seen for aluminum free deodorant so I decided to give it a shot.  I have to say, this is a fantastic natural deodorant. I still swab with alcohol first, then apply it.  No, it is still not quite as good as popular brands, but it is far better than anything else I've tried.  And even if I start feeling a little wet under the arms, I don't get stinky.

The last product I'll share may be a little controversial, as it involves hormones, but it's been a miracle for me.  I had a miscarriage several years ago at about 12 weeks gestation and it left my hormones totally out of control. Night sweats and hot flashes were the main symptoms.  I waited a while, assuming they would go away, but they didn't.  I did talk to my nurse/midwife about it and I asked if going on the Pill would help. I  was very leery to do this, but desperate to regain balance.  In the end, I took it for a month, then never again.  I did lots of research on what particular hormone imbalance I had and got lots of different answers.  So, perhaps this is bad, but I began some trial and error "research". I began with a progesterone cream, which is often touted as the "cure-all", but it didn't help me at all.  Then I stumbled upon Life-Flo Estriol-Care cream.  It got fairly high reviews and the information about the type of natural estrogen it employs deemed it very safe.  Again, I was desperate, so I ordered it.

And all I can say is, my night sweats are gone completely.  It worked instantly.  I still have a few hot flashes now and then, but typically only when I haven't used the cream.  I do not in any way want to diagnose someone else's problem, and I want to say, for the record, that I'm having a full physical and blood panel done soon, but this product has been amazing for me.  And I think it is little known.  However, I do find it interesting that I've seen it popping up more and more in recent information I've been reading on hormones. I'm extremely thankful for this product and it's is worth every penny!

So there you have it, a few of the things I LOVE!  All of these are available from Vitacost at great prices and some on Amazon too.  And I don't receive a penny for saying that.

The Debate

I didn't watch the debate last night between Ken Ham (The Answers Man) and Bill Nye (The Science Guy). If you don't know what I'm talking about, it was a creation vs. evolution debate. Okay, I caught the last minute because in my search for some information via Google, I clinked on a link from the Answers in Genesis site and it rerouted me to the debate. Anyway, that's all I saw. The last minute, Bill Nye giving his closing statement.

Only a few of my facebook friends seemed to be watching, or making commentary on it anyway. None of my non-Christian friends made comments so I assume none of them were watching.  So here's what I think: we need to be careful how we come across when we talk about this debate. Because I fear this creation vs. evolution issue is one that hinders people from entering the kingdom of God- and not in the way you might think.

To be a born again Christian, you do not have to be a creationist.  You do not have to be young Earth.  You don't have to take Genesis literally.  In fact, all you must do is be born again. Believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins, repent of your sins, and make Him Lord of your life.

That is the gospel. That is salvation.  Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

After that, the Lord will deal with you as He wills, and your primary calling in life is to listen to Him.  If he wants to change you from an evolutionist, He will and He is more than able.

But first things first. You must be born again.

I feel, sometimes, that these debates put the cart before the horse. As a person who always took the creation of the world in six literal days by faith, sure, I have an easy time believing it's true.  And since then, I've learned a lot about science that, in my opinion, proves it is true.  It's fascinating how it all makes sense scientifically.  And yet, it takes faith. To believe in a Creator God, in Intelligent  Design, there will always have to be an element of faith.  Not blind faith, but faith none-the-less.

My fear is that our assurance of these things, either by faith, fact or a mixture of the two, leads us to arrogance.  Arrogance that we have all the answers and these evolutionists are idiots who refuse to believe.  We hear the same debate and are blown away that anyone could side with Bill Nye. In our opinion, he lost.  He failed. He's an idiot.  And we send that message all over social media and do you know what it does to lead anyone to Christ through the blood of the Lamb?

Nothing.  In fact, it seems to have the opposite effect. We are not wooing people with clever arguments and our assurance of truth... we are preventing them from entering the kingdom by our lack of love.  By our arrogance. By our failure to recognize that this all takes an element of faith, regardless of all the fact, and that the only way to faith is through Jesus Christ.  And the people we're trying to win with these creation vs. evolution arguments most likely do not have faith in Jesus Christ.  And we're sneering at them. Jeering at them.

I'd rather say, You know what, you don't have to believe in this to become a Christian. You can be an evolutionist and be a Christian.  Don't let this keep you out of the kingdom of God.

In closing, let me say this:

I owe a debt of gratitude to Ken Ham.  My science-smitten, engineer husband was an evolutionist in college.  He was persuaded to go to an Answers in Genesis conference on campus and what he heard astounded him and when he left and when he researched it, the science of creationism made sense to him. And that did lead him to the Creator, to a life-changing relationship with Jesus Christ.  He is personally passionate and extremely knowledgeable about Intelligent Design, having read scholarly works far more complicated than Ken Ham has ever written.  Because of this, I see a place for ministries like Ken Ham's. Because people do have questions and it's good to have intelligent answers.  The Lord can use these questions to draw people to Himself.

My concern is that our lack of love, grace, and compassion for those who lack faith is keeping them from the more important matter- their relationship with Christ. I realize it may take more faith to believe in evolution than creation for some of us, but there is a world out there dying without Christ.... I'm sorry, I think the issue is irrelevant when it comes to that. Let it be a path to Christ, but not the door.

"Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;  But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot."

1 Peter 1: 18,19

How to Have a Really Great Year

Yesterday I read the final pages of the Bible. The last chapter of Revelation.  And because I read the One Year Bible, I also read the final chapters of Malachi in the Old Testament, the final Psalm, and the last words of the Proverbs.  Even though the Bible itself was arranged by man, it's not surprising that the last words I read for the year were filled with hope, challenge, excitement.

I've long held the opinion that all great movies end with a wedding.  It's not a flawless measure, but it often holds true.  It's the same for all great love stories.  There is a commitment to love and cherish forever.  That is how the Bible ends, in the final chapters of Revelation. A marriage supper is prepared and the Lord Jesus, the groom, brings his Bride, the Church (the saints), to live with him in glory forever.

Yes, it's a fabulous way to end a year.

I shared via facebook yesterday that I was retiring my One Year Bible, the one I have used for the past three years.  It's literally falling apart and covered in various highlighters and pen marks.  I have a new One Year Bible to begin this year with and it is the third one I will use.  A new book is always exciting, so fresh and clean, but a new Bible to curl up with each morning, one that I'm free to mark up and use up, is the most exciting.   This book is alive. Every day it waits for me, to speak to me, to do it's supernatural work in me. I'm really beyond words to explain how this works. The Word of God is, simply, alive.

Several friends asked me why I like the One Year Bible reading plan.  It's not a magical plan, it's no better than any other Bible reading plan, but it is, in fact, a plan. And I think we all need a plan, a discipline when it comes to reading God's Word.  There are countless ways to read the Bible.  You need one.  For me, the One Year Bible is easy, with no guesswork, and it works.  Like I said, I love to mark up my Bible.  So an electronic version just wouldn't be the same for me. But there are tons of electronic Bible reading plans available if this suits you. Get one.  There are various hard copy Bibles that will take you through the entire book in one year or two years, chronologically or otherwise.  There are printable reading plans you can stick in your Bible and follow daily.  You can start in Genesis and just keep reading every day.  Or in Matthew. What I'm trying to say is, there is no right or wrong plan.

You just need to have one.

Why?

It's the way to have a  really great 2014.

It's been said if your Bible is falling apart, your life isn't.  I see the truth in this, but the truth is also that sometimes your life feels like it's falling apart. Or it's just not going the way you had hoped.  I'll be the first to confess that 2013 didn't feel like the best year ever. Those people that say their day goes better when they read their Bible make me want to scream. Because often, nothing in my day goes the way I want it to. Reading God's Word, meditating on it, immersing myself in it, doesn't make my day better. It is slowly, painfully, and even joyfully making me better.

What do I mean by better?  It's making me into the woman Christ wants me to be.  Hard days, pain, everything falling apart and all.

My hope for 2014 is that it will "feel" better. That things will start going the way I want them to.  I wrote in my journal this morning that I want to look back and say that 2014 was the best year ever.  And I asked myself, what would make this the best year ever?  My answer:

More of Jesus in my life, in my husband's life, in my children's lives, in my friends' lives.

Spending time with Him every day is the key to this being the best year ever.

The new year began with Psalm 1 and verses from Proverbs 1. Again, a man-made compilation of Scripture in the One Year Bible, but perfect words to begin the new year.

Psalm 1: 1-2

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the Lord, 

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.

I don't have a goal for how much of God's Word to read this year.  Just to read it every day.  And to meditate on it. Let it steep.  Chew on it.  Let it feed me and fuel me and help me to flourish, not wither.

It's not about consuming mass quantities. As God's Word says of itself in Isaiah 28:10

For it is precept upon precept, precept upon precept,
Line upon line,
Here a little, there a little.

Just the other morning I came downstairs and noticed how nice it was to have an empty sink and the pots and pans in the drying rack on the counter.  I had washed them the night before, something I never used to do.  I hate washing dishes.  Thankfully, I have a dishwasher, but there are certain dishes that can't go inside it and some that just need a good scrubbing by hand.  I used to let them sit overnight.  But then I began intentionally washing them after dinner, after I loaded the dishwasher.  Now it is just a habit, something I do every night, something that I'm glad I do. Because I love coming down to a clean kitchen every morning.

Reading God's Word every day is a habit that can be built like any other habit.  It is simply committing to doing it every day, even if it seems a small amount. It's making a time and place for it in your schedule. It's having a plan.  And then it's just doing it. Until you no longer struggle to do it every day.  It is just what you do and even what you look forward to.  This has been the case in my life and it's worth the effort.

And it's what will make 2014 a really great year.

Silver and Gold

As a Brownie Girl Scout, I used to sing

Make new friends, but keep the old

One is silver and the other gold.

There is a lot of silver and gold this time of year, on the tree, in the house, in the stores... and a whole lot of it exchanging hands.  But it's those silver and gold friendships that shine like a light this time of year.

We just returned from three days in our former hometown, staying with my parents, doing our best to stimulate the economy, as Josh says. We still go to the dentist there, get our cars fixed there, and I always make a hair appointment when I go. And then there's my favorite things to eat there and my favorite shops.  But what I love, and miss, the most, of course, are those wonderful "old" friends.

It's impossible to see everyone we want to, but I love the little gifts from God, of seeing a friend I didn't expect to.  I turned a corner in Marden's and there was a friend!  A ring of the doorbell after dark and there was a friend, bringing the most unique and delicious cookie!  I had a wonderful, two hour conversation with an amazing godly woman when I dropped her daughter off from a playdate with mine.  I popped in to see my Kelly-girl and she gave me a lovely handmade necklace that I've received so many compliments on already.

I confess, driving into our "old" hometown is like salt in a wound.  I'm coming to realize that what we had there (to me we had it "all") will never be matched again.

But then we drove home. And we were coming home an hour before some of our homeschooling friends were showing up for a Christmas party.  A Christmas party that was rather impromptu, but we decided to just do it.  And it was wonderful.  It came together easily because we have new friends that we're getting comfortable with.  They don't care what my house looks like. They understand the imperfections of my children and are patient with the slow work of maturing in them.  We laugh and talk easily, the kids run out to play in the snow, we're honest about our struggles.

And when everyone has gone home, I put my finger on this lightness in my soul, this joy and gratitude that is there.  We have wonderful old silver friends and we are making wonderful new golden friends.  And I think, the refining of silver and gold is slow, it's not without fire, it takes time and trial to make something precious.

I had eight years to build lasting friendships with those people.  I shouldn't be surprised that, in our new hometown, the process of making and building new and precious friendships is slow. But sure.

Every year, for Christmas, I ask for "something special".  Friendships, old and new, are some of the best gifts I've ever received.

My Own "It's a Wonderful Life" Story

That wonderful, classic Christmas movie It's a Wonderful Life was just the butt of many a sitcom joke to me, until I saw it for the first time when I was 21 years old.  I remember that Christmas so well.  It was the year I was madly in love with this guy at church.  It was the first Christmas that truly held the wonder of Christ's birth for me.  It was beautiful.

I fell in love with It's a Wonderful Life.  And maybe the rest of the world did, too, because people seemed to stop making fun of it.  It's simplicity perhaps became something this harried, hectic season of celebrators needed and desired.

My own It's a Wonderful Life story happened the summer when I was greatly pregnant with our third child.  She was due at the end of August. The summer was blessedly cooler in comparison to others we had.  I had enjoyed this pregnancy so much and was overjoyed that we were having another baby girl.

But the shadow of that summer was our own Mr. Potter.  He was a heating oil dealer in our story.  Because heating oil costs were sky high, we had locked in our rate the year before and prepaid 800 gallons worth of that liquid gold.  That was no small chunk of change.  We also installed  a wood stove that miraculously heated our entire huge house, much to our surprise.  So the only oil we ended up using was for our hot water.

That was a blessing.  It meant we would get much of that prepaid oil money returned to us.  Right?

Wrong.

The owner of the heating oil company refused to return the $2500 to us.  I tried every avenue possible to get our money back.  I personally delivered a request for our money back, with a copy of the law.  I got the Attorney General's office involved. He dodged their calls. I spoke with a lawyer.  This despicable Mr. Potter type man had no intention of returning our money.

Just a few weeks before Petite was born, I fell down our back staircase on our way to morning swim lessons.  Thankfully, I only sprained my ankle, though it hurt like a beast.  Thirty-five extra pounds on a badly sprained ankle just added to my misery of dealing with our stolen money.  It was taking the joy out of an otherwise wonderful pregnancy.

The only answer to this problem was... to let it go.  To give this one to God and choose to enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy.  As unjust as the whole situation was, it was the way to peace.

Right after I let go, after I decided to not even take it to small claims court, my mom and my best friend threw me a baby shower.  So  many people showed up to celebrate my baby girl who was about to be born. My brother hid out in the basement but was sure to add his very large measurement to the game of trying to guess my girth (and he won!).  Jessie brought Ghiradelli brownies. Sara got me a chocolate peanut butter ice cream cake.  Holly and the girls sent me a giant bag of baby clothes from yard sales (she knows how I love to yard sale!) among many other gifts.  Diapers, adorable outfits, so much cuteness was in those packages... but when I unpacked all those things at my house later that night, it was the love and the laughter and the fact that my friends had just showed up that overwhelmed my heart.

There is so much that can be stolen from us, but the worst thing is when your joy is stolen.  My friends, my family, their presence, brought back my joy, as I realized, like George Bailey did, that no man is a failure if he has friends.  No problem is too great... when you have people who love you and show up for you.

This is one of my "corny" Christmas stories, I suppose, one that perhaps could be the butt of a joke :), but to me, it's a precious page in my history.  One that reminds me, my life has been, and is, wonderful.

And as a side note, that mean old Mr. Potter in our lives.... he got convicted of tax evasion a few years later... and went to jail.  And the Lord has more than made good on that stolen $2500.

Sick Thoughts

I'm on the eighth day of a doozy of a cold.  I'm not sure which symptoms will greet me in the morning when I wake up.  It began with a sore throat, and the next day seemed to subside.  The day after that, it felt like I'd been hit by a truck.  Then two days of feeling better.  Sunday was awful.  Monday was better. Today is awful too.

I'm exhausted from lack of sleep.  Coughing and headaches have stolen my precious hours of rest.  On top of that, I find that having three children is not conducive to rest anyway.  They already have far more energy than I do.  Now that I'm sick, it multiplies my disadvantage exponentially.

Being literally sick and tired is no time to think deep thoughts because they only tend toward the depressed and discouraged ones.  But what's a tired, restless body and mind to do when it can't muster up the energy for anything else?

I went to bed thinking about the boy in my kids' karate class who ignores my son every time he tries to talk to him.

I had  "the" bad dream- the one where Josh leaves me.

I notice that the layer of dust is getting thick on the shelves.  And remember that a whole bunch of people are coming for Thanksgiving.

I think of the pies I have to bake.  And that I need to make sure the turkey is defrosting properly.

I get sucked into searching Amazon for early Black Friday deals. And remember that I'm not looking at any of the flyers this year.  And have very little shopping to do anyway.

I'm grouchy because I'm sick but I still have to put the kids to bed every night.  And then I remember that they haven't gotten out of their pjs or brushed their teeth yet this morning.

I start to worry about cavities.

I'm kind of upset and really discouraged that Josh hasn't gotten a deer this year. He's put in  hours in the freezing cold for nothing.

The house is full of food but all I want is some soup.  And there's no soup in the house.

I make some soup out of leftover meatballs, half a carton of beef broth, some quickly chopped baby carrots and a few pressed cloves of garlic. I beg the kids to leave me alone for 52 minutes- just long enough to lay on the couch with my bowl of soup and an episode of Call the Midwife.

I only have a few episodes left to watch and I'll be all caught up. Even this thought makes me sad.  It's such a beautiful program, all about love, so powerfully full of LIFE!  And once I'm caught up, then what will I watch when I need 52 minutes all to myself?

But I feel better after some soup and some rest.  Even 52 minutes helps.

I make lunch for the kids.  I'm calling it lunch, anyway.  Popcorn, a cheese stick, hot cocoa, and a slice of coffee cake.  I'm waiting for Mister to tell me we didn't have lunch today. He likes very traditional meals.

I almost made chocolate chip cookies?  Am I crazy????  No, cooking is just therapy for me.

But I don't need therapy. I need rest today. There will be all that cooking and baking in the next few days.

I'm thankful my mom will be here. She'll make the turkey (if it's defrosted).  She'll give the kids all the attention I haven't been able to this past week.

I'll feel better soon.  Til then, I must come up with something that resembles dinner.  Cereal?  Rolled up ham and cheese?  A scoop of peanut butter and some crackers?

I cough my way through the obligatory three books before bed.  I'm tempted to stay up for a while, now that the kiddos are asleep in their beds and I can get a few things done in peace.  But I force myself to crawl into bed.  I hack and cough for over an hour, and pray for sleep. I need it so desperately.

And it comes.  No bad dreams.  Fewer worries.  Just the usual interruption of my littlest needing to go potty. And the next thing I know, Josh is returning from his night shift. He crawls in beside me, and though I am still coughing a little, all is right with the world and I feel better.