Nursing Your Rights

Recently in the news was the story of a Chik-fil-A manager who requested that a breastfeeding mom cover up because she was making other customers uncomfortable.  The woman's response was to form a "nurse-in", getting 20 other nursing moms to breastfeed their babies in that very same restaurant, to "raise awareness".  Reading the article, I get what these nursing moms are trying to say.  Breastfeeding is natural.  It's not about boobs, its about nurturing another human being.  It should be normal and accepted to see moms nursing their babies in public because everyone else eats in public too.

It makes sense.  As a mom who nursed all three babies, I understand the frustration of trying to feed a baby under a blanket, trying to be discreet. I understand the difficulty of finding a comfortable place to nurse a hungry child.  I understand that when a nursing baby is hungry, you must feed them right away.

And yes, I think it's amusing that America has pretty much ditched all it's Puritanical roots, and has no problem seeing breasts bulging out of a string bikini (even in the mall) but is uncomfortable with a mom breastfeeding in public.  I think it is somewhat amusing that we even have to have laws saying it's legal to breastfeed in public.  I recently saw a mom nursing her newborn at the beach and to me, it was a precious sight, nothing offensive.  It was, however, amusing that she used a "hooter-hider" when she was breastfeeding, but otherwise was hanging out in a triangle-top string bikini which did not fit her engorged breasts very well.  There was very little of her breasts actually covered.

Our view of  breasts is a little flip-flopped here in America.

So why am I writing about boobs?  My point actually isn't to talk about boobs.  God created them, they are a good thing.  I am a bit more modest when it comes to breasts, and I think they ought to be covered whether at the beach in a swimsuit or nursing a baby in public.  I consider them a private part of the body, whether they are being used in a utilitarian way or purely aesthetic, ie. sexual, way.

But  my real beef is the response to this article on facebook by Christian women.  Up in arms, ready to boycott Chik-fil-A (and I thought Chik-fil-A was the hero of Christians?), and ready to stage nurse-ins all over to "raise awareness".  Responses: How would you like to have a hot blanket thrown over your head while you're eating? If you don't like it, tough!  You cover your boobs and I'll cover mine, you hussy!  It's my right to breastfeed wherever I want. It's your problem if you don't like seeing me feed my child.

It took on a decidedly nasty tone.  I don't see how staging a "nurse-in" raises awareness or makes a positive statement.  All it says, in my opinion, is "hell no, we won't go!"  That's lovely coming from Christian women.

I find my frustration with this is demanding "rights".  And it doesn't surprise me that it centers around breastfeeding, which seems to be elevated to a whole new level of "holiness" among some women in the Church.  These women think breastfeeding is God's only way to feed a child and you are weak, carnal, and a really bad mother if you don't do it.  The subtle (and sometimes blatant message) is that you are more holy and closer to God if you breastfeed.  Wow, that sounds like religion to me.

Maybe it's because I've been reading the book of Romans and 1 Corinthians that I take issue with all this taking issue.  Over and over again I read Paul urging the Christ-followers to give up their rights and freedom for the love of not only their brothers and sisters in Christ, but unbelievers as well.

In Romans 14, he writes "Therefore let us not pass judgement on one another any longer, but rather decided never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.  I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone w ho thinks it is unclean.  For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.  So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil...." vs13-16

vs 19, 20 "So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Do not, for the sake of breastfeeding food, destroy the work of God.  Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats."

The Corinthian church was divided over who they followed.  Some said "I follow Paul", some said "I follow Apollos".  The Church today is no different. Who or what method we follow seems to be a mark of "spirituality" in our lives.  Paul addressed this as carnal, not spiritual (1 Corinthians 3:4).

Paul called the  Corinthians out on taking their brothers to court.  Isn't there anyone in the Church wise enough to settle the dispute? he asked.  Do you really need to take this before unbelievers?  And even if you can't settle it, "Why not rather suffer wrong?  Why not rather be defrauded?" vs 6:7

In chapter 8, Paul writes "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up" (vs1).  He says "Breastfeeding Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better of if we do.  But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak." vs 8,9

In chapter 9, Paul says that he has every right to make a living off preaching the gospel, but he has not made use of that right because he would rather "endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the Gospel of Christ." vs. 12

 Pauls says "For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them." vs. 9:19

In chapter 10 he says "All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful.  All things are lawful, but not all things build up.  Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." vs. 23,24  And vs 32 and 33 he says "Give no offense to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved."

To me, it's clear.  As believers in Christ, we have the freedom to do all kinds of things.  In fact, we are not to be a rule based sect of religious people, we are supposed to live lavishly in the grace of Jesus Christ.  However, when we use our freedoms to offend unbelievers or stumble believers, we are no longer walking in grace or love.  Remove the issue of food from any of these verses and insert a freedom like breastfeeding in public, and nothing changes.  If someone is offended by what you are doing, you should stop exercising your freedom.

My husband's grandmother was of an era when women did not breastfeed and she was clearly uncomfortable with me nursing in her living room, even if I was covered up.  So I graciously would remove myself to a nearby bedroom to feed my babies.  Yes, I felt isolated and I felt it was silly, like this was a shameful practice, but the bottom line was that it made her uncomfortable.  It was not showing love to breastfeed in front of her.

I always preferred to be discreet when nursing in public. I appreciate when other women are discreet in mixed company.  As natural as it is to breastfeed a child, there are always people around who are immature, creepy, or just more modest, so I personally think being as discreet as possible is desirable.  There were certain people I knew were very comfortable with nursing moms who weren't covered up, in their homes or in my home.  If I wasn't sure how people around me felt about nursing publicly, I was as discreet as possible or removed myself.  Or sometimes I just asked if they were okay with it.

I'm not saying you shouldn't breastfeed in public.  But as with anything else, the way we dress, speak, etc., modesty is desirable.  Seeking to draw attention to yourself in the name of raising awareness just seems like foolishness and immaturity.  I can think of several people groups these same women would be up in arms about if they were doing the same thing- letting it all hang out to raise awareness.

There is a greater way, the way of love.

I was really bothered by this and I considered Christ, our Savior.  The one we look to for answers.  How would he have made a statement? How did he raise awareness about his earthly mission?

He died.  Literally. Physically.  He died.

He gave his life. He laid it down.  He who had every right to stand on his rights as a Jew, as God's Son, as God Himself, he died.

That is the greatest statement that has ever been made.  And it's what we're called to do as Christians, too.

You have every right to wear what you want, to nurse where you want, to eat what you want, to say what you want....

But let me show you a more excellent way...

Love never fails.

Go ahead and nurse your rights.  You're free to do so.

Or die to your rights.  Make a statement.


PS- I always feel the need to add to my very opinionated posts that I am far from perfect and I can think of oodles of times that I have not laid down my freedoms and rights.  I can think of many occasions when I wish I had.  But I insisted I was right.  Now I think that automatically made me wrong.  With all my heart I pray I am growing in grace and love.  I don't write this to condemn, but to share something I have learned the hard way and to, of course, get you thinking.