Blackberries

Some things arrive right on time and just when you need it.

This morning I read the first chapter in Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson.  She's become one of my heroes, mentors, and Titus 2 women this past year.  I read the book she coauthored with Sarah Mae (Desperate) and I began reading her blog, I Take Joy.  She's a mom who laid down her life for her children, and found life in the day-to-day moments of being a living sacrifice for her family.  I so long to be like her.  She and her husband wrote the book Educating the Wholehearted Child which is one of my top two favorite homeschooling books.  Seasons is written specifically for the needs of homeschool moms, but Sally says it's for all moms too.

In the first chapter, she writes about the day of her youngest daughter Joy's fourth birthday party.  It started so lovely, with spring finally arriving and all four children enjoying the outdoors.  But it quickly became stressful and chaotic as the whole family was trying to clean the house and get it ready for the party.  The party itself was a near-disaster, with crying, spills, and tantrums from the young guests. The birthday girl herself  couldn't wait for everyone to leave so she could go back to having a fun time outside. 

It's refreshing to hear that we're not the only family that has these moments and days.  Days of doing too much when the simple things would have satisfied.  Days of everything going wrong, even special days of everything going wrong.  Days of mom barking out orders, trying to gain control of the household.  Days that don't turn out as fun and wonderful as you had hoped and planned.

We've had many days like that around here.

Today, the weather has been absolutely perfect for early August.  Warm sun, but a potent breeze blowing.  The perfect kind of day to be outside. 

But, for the most part, the kids don't want to be outside.  They are inside drawing and playing.  They do come out here and there, one to play baseball, then the girls come out to play on the swingset.  But nobody wanted to come out and help pick blackberries. Petite came for a while, but the grass was wet and a bug was "bugging" her.  She was like Sal, eating the blackberries she picked and trying to steal mine.  It was nice having her out for the fifteen minutes.  Josh and I picked five quarts of berries and then production began.

I made a batch of jam and prepared some berries for homemade ice cream.  I removed the seeds, dirtied every major dish in the kitchen, and processed 4 pints of jam.  I enjoyed it, to a point.  It's fun using the fruit God has provided right outside our door.  It's a blessing to have it and preserve it and eat it.  But when I was all done, I just felt sad.  I exchanged an afternoon with my kids for 4 pints of jam and some homemade ice cream.  And dirty dishes.  And a messy kitchen.  And a tired mind and body.

I know I should get them in the kitchen with me to help.  And I want to.   But they are not interested. They want to play.  They want to draw. They want to be kids on a Saturday and I don't blame them.  As I dipped jam jars into the boiling water, I thought to myself, Someday I'll look back and kick myself for making jam when I should have been enjoying my little ones.

They are barely little anymore.  Petite will be four in two weeks.  My oldest is ten.  My middler is 8.  Oh, they are still young, but not so little.  And I already, already feel that time has just gone way too quickly.  It's a terrible feeling knowing I can't get it back.  It's exciting to think of the years ahead and the maturity they will gain, the adventures we have in store, but every day we are closer to an empty nest.  That's not crazy talk, it's reality.

I'd rather let the berries rot on the branches.  I'd rather buy jelly or  jam, even if it is made with high fructose corn syrup.  I'd rather keep our life simple than fill it up with projects and plans that hold no interest for the kids.  Of course, we must do the things we must do.  Of course, we're trying to train them to work and be good stewards of what God has given us with our land and our home and our time.  But I'd rather not do these things that should be good and worthwhile, but are just not.  Not right now. 

It's time to push Petite on the swing while the breeze blows through our hair.  Mister is putting a roof on his fort.  I want to see it.  Brown-Eyed Girl is bound to want to play the "foot game" as she glides back and forth through the air on her swing.  The jam will set.  The ice cream will be delicious.  But I don't want to miss any more of these blessings today.