Christmas is Worth It

Here's what I'm learning about  Christmas:

It's all worth it.

The choosing of very special gifts for the ones I love.

Even the wrapping of them, which I loathe.

The cookie making and decorating.

The homemade goodies we deliver to the neighbors.

All the cleaning about to be done before the big day and before company arrives.

The money spent, the extra effort put in, the gift of kindness... even if it is never returned or never acknowledged.

Listening to the same songs over and over again, all those old Christmas classics that the kids need to know.

Santa.  Whether we believe in him or not.

All those Elves getting into trouble.  Whether we have one or not.

Jesus.  First and foremost, always.  Whether or not the whole world celebrates Him, we celebrate Him here.

And Hanukkah.  And Kwanzaa.  Even though these are not our holidays, it is okay to offer a wish for those who do to have a Happy Holiday.

Love. Kindness.  Humility.

Those three things I see in the Baby Jesus, meek and mild, lying in a feeding trough when he should be sitting on His throne in heaven.  He cast off his rights.  He denied himself.  He gave the ultimate gift that none of us deserved, that many will never accept or never acknowledge,  He lavished his love upon us that we might become children of God...

This leaves me feeling, knowing, that it is okay to lavish love and joy and kindness on my own children and those around me.

All the extras of this season are worth it.

Costly sometimes.  And I'm not just talking money. I'm talking time.  Forgiveness.  Grace.  Letting go of my plans and my ideas of how things should be.

It really should be a Merry, Merry Christmas and a season of Happy Holidays.

Now, time to clean. Time to cook.  Time to  enjoy the snow softly falling before the rain storm tomorrow.  Time to celebrate.

Face It, Mama

Face it, Mama.

This house is never going to be in a magazine.

It will never really be completely clean.

The toys will always be scattered in front of the wood stove,  And across your bed.  And in all the other spaces you think are yours.

Spills will continue to happen.  On the rugs.  And furniture.

Walls will get dented and dinged.  And colored on.

Dust will settle, but their energy never will.  Unless they get sick.  And then there will be more laundry, more cleaning to do, and less energy for you.

Lights will be left on.  No matter how often you remind them to turn them off.

Showers will be long.  No matter how often you preach to them about the cost of hot water.



Face it, Mama.

There will always be interruptions.

That voice talking to you when you're trying to sleep.  Or write a blog post.  Or go to the bathroom in total privacy.

The mad hunt for lost shoes, uniforms, wallets, and borrowed items.

The sudden projectile vomiting from the back seat on the way to church.

The wet undies from the child who just went potty before you left the house.

The ear infections, broken toes, skin conditions, sore throats, and swollen ears that require a prompt trip to the doctor's office. Despite everything else you had planned for the day.

The knock on your door- or the bursting right in- when you and the husband you love are trying to rekindle a little romance.

The shrieking and screaming that seems to indicate a sudden amputated limb, but really is just the cry of an offended sibling... right after you politely- oh yes, you were polite- asked them to give you just fifteen minutes of peace.  Alone. In your room.



Face it, Mama.

This will never get easier.

First, it was a colicky baby.  A hungry baby who woke at all hours for sustenance.  A snuggly baby who just wanted to be close to mama.  No other arms would do.

Then it was having a biter. Or a hitter.  Or a get-into-everything-er.

Terrible twos.

Potty training.

You survived all that, though you thought you wouldn't.

And then it was separation anxiety.

The child who will sleep nowhere but your own bed.

The chronically sick child.

Food allergies.

Social anxiety.

Over stimulation.

Then, time for school.  The tears, from one or both of you, as they begin this journey away from you each day..  Or the tears, from one or both of you, as you try to teach them at home.

Reading disabilities.

Bullying.

Trying to fit in.

Or to not fit in so much.

And then, puberty.  Hair starts growing in new places.  The "talk".  New smells.  Crazy emotions. Boy meets girl.  Girl meets boy.

Then, getting ready to leave the nest. For good. The stress over financial aid.  And choosing the best schools.  Or choosing college at all. Another cutting of the cord, but this one you feel so keenly.



Face it, Mama.

These children will grow up.  They will, most of the time, leave the nest.

It is hard now.  It will be hard then.

The bestseller can wait.

The ruined furniture doesn't matter.

The things you buy them will be mostly forgotten. The things you can't buy them will be, too.

Your tears will not be in vain.

Everything you gave up for love- your body, your orderly home, your career, your money- will be an investment with returns you may or may not see.

But you will look back and see that it was worth it all.  Anyway.




Face it, Mama.

These children.

They are the only thing you have the chance to take to heaven with you.

You'll get a new body there.  No stretch marks.  No baby weight to lose.

A perfectly prepared home will await you there.

No more tears. No more sadness.  No more sickness.

No more interruptions as you worship together around the Throne.

And the words of your Savior, that you can hardly believe He is saying...

"Well done, Mama, my good and faithful servant.  Enter into your Father's rest."

Peace is the Sweetest

It's been a month since I updated my last post regarding our baby and my placenta previa.  On one hand, I am so private and feel guilty "talking" about it, but on the other hand, I feel like this is a developing story that needs to be shared... because I am fully expecting that the Lord is going to be faithful beyond anything I can imagine. And I want it to be known.

I am not old, just 36, but "older" and having my fourth child.  While lots of women are having their first child around this age, having a fourth child is what many  might consider crazy. Especially when I have three that are already "healthy" and "normal".  Honestly, I thought we were done, but I'm so glad we're not.  Our baby boy is due March 28th.  All along I have prayed that this pregnancy would bring glory to God. I think that is a great and honorable prayer. Especially because I knew that though I wanted it to glorify God by way of healthy exuberance on my part, vibrancy, energy, glowing skin and hair, and joy abounding... I realized in the inner recesses that this pregnancy just  might glorify the Lord by way of some unwanted circumstances.  And that is what the placement of the placenta over my cervix is.

Last week, I met my new doctor and had another sonogram.  I have a new doctor because the previous one is only a general practitioner who delivers babies, but is unable to do c-sections.  I need the care of a full-fledged OB.  I have to confess that I was never fully at peace with the other doctor or delivering at a different hospital than the one where I had the other three.  I fell in love with my new OB immediately (HUGE for me!) and I have so much more peace knowing that I will deliver at the same hospital I am used to.  I have had three all natural, no drug births. I've never seen the inside of an OR.  I don't like the idea of it, but it is the reality.  There is also an amazing NICU on site in case we need it.

The sonogram I just had at 22 weeks reveals a placenta still fully covering the os ("opening") and both the sonographer and the doctor do not feel confident it will move.  So from this point on we consider this pregnancy high risk.  I will start receiving steroids for the baby's lungs at 28 weeks and the doctor plans to deliver the baby between 36 and 37 weeks to avoid preterm labor or serious drama like hemorrhage... and we pray none of that happens before then.

So that is the update, so far.  I have heard stories of the placenta moving completely as late as 36 weeks, so it is possible, but we want to be prepared if it doesn't.

I suppose all of that information could be bad news. But here is the good news:

I have complete peace. The kind the Bible describes as "surpassing all understanding".  When faced with all the facts and potential scenarios of what could happen as this pregnancy progresses, I could be scared out of my mind.  But I am not.  I have moments of worry and concern.  But then the peace comes.  I know that the Lord is with me and that He has this completely under control. I even had this image of HIS hands delivering our baby, pulling him from the womb.  How did I know it was HIS hands in this dream or vision?  I just knew.  It is the Lord's hands that are going to bring this child into the world.  And we are always safe in his hands.

It is the sweetest, most precious thing to have in a situation like this. Peace.

It's all I really need.

It doesn't mean my little guy won't arrive early and have to be in the NICU. It doesn't mean the placenta will move after all. It doesn't mean I won't go through some things I'd rather not go through. It just means that no matter what, He is there and He is in this.

We hear a lot about peace on Earth this time of year.  And I think we'd all agree that there is no global peace on Earth. There isn't even peace in our own nation these days.  But peace with God through his Son Jesus Christ and the peace that surpasses understanding when everything around is uncertain... that is here on Earth, in our hearts as we trust in Him.

We still very much covet your prayers for me and for our baby.  I confess I have no idea how prayer works but I know it changes things and it is especially changes us.  When I pray, I see God working more than when I don't. And I don't think it's because he's not at work if I don't pray, I think it just makes me more mindful of all he IS doing when I do pray.

May God bless YOU with peace, too.  Stay tuned for the rest of the story.

 "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Good News Deserves... Prayer!

I have joyful news to report!

We found out on Monday that we are having a baby boy, hopefully in March.  March 28th is my official due date, but I say "hopefully" because...

Baby looks great and is growing just as he should.  We did discover, via ultrasound, that I have complete placenta previa.  This is when the placenta is fully covering the cervix, making it impossible for the baby to be delivered naturally.  I wasn't surprised by this information at all, because I have had bleeding nearly every week of this pregnancy.  Thankfully it has been over three weeks since I've had bleeding, though.  I suspected, after some research, that something might be up with the placenta, as this was a very unusual thing for me to experience. Granted, it's been a while since I had a baby, and I am older, but it still was unusual. In some ways, it was comforting to have a reason for why this was happening.

However, after doing a little more research, I discovered that placenta previa can mean far more than just a c-section.  It can mean a host of dangerous things happening suddenly, like bleeding, even hemorrhage.  Which can lead to early birth via emergency c-section.  There are also even more serious things that can happen, like the placenta attaching itself to the uterus, requiring a hysterectomy in order to control bleeding.

But enough of the scary stuff.  The good news is this isn't the end of the story and there is the possibility that my placenta will migrate north as the baby grows.  He might pull it along with him.  We are asking all our friends and family to pray that this will happen.

I confess, it is really scary to think of what could happen.  But I'm so thankful for the peace that surpasses understanding.  I know that our baby, and I, am safe in the hands of the Lord.  We tend to think that in certain situations we are "safer" than in others.  We are "safe" if our test results come back normal.  We are "safe" if we are wearing our seat belt.  We are "safe" if all our ducks are in a row.

In truth, the Lord is showing me that I am always completely safe with Him in control.  And there is never, ever a moment when He is not.

Recently on Facebook I saw the status of someone I do not know.  You know how that is- you see all these posts from friends of friends, mostly things you don't want to. But this one said something like this: You always wonder how you will respond when such and such a thing happens- cancer, death, other difficult circumstances. You wonder if you will trust in the Lord, as you know you should.  And then the trial comes, the test not much different than what Abraham went through when asked to sacrifice Isaac.  And the Lord carries you. He is your constant presence reminding you that He is still the same loving God who is in control.  And you trust, maybe not perfectly, but His faithfulness provides your faith.

I am thankful that, though I don't like what is and what could be, I can dwell on the truth. His Spirit is with me and ministering truth to me.

Josh and I went out to celebrate after our sonogram. We bought a few things for our baby boy- some long sleeve onesies and a little sleeper with deer on it, a pair of jeans.  We pulled out baby's pictures to admire him.  The mere thought that anything could endanger his health and well-being just strengthens my love for him.  This child I have only seen through ultrasound.  It again just reminds me of how much deeper God's love is for me and how much he cares for our children, too.  This love that we have for our children is just a mere reflection of God's love for us.  And if I feel so fiercely protective of this child, wow... how much more is my Father in Heaven protective of his children.

It doesn't mean things will follow my plan, but it does mean I can fully trust the Lord with my life and my child's.

So we ask you to pray for the very best situation in the coming months.

And we rejoice that  God has seen fit to give us another son!

What Takes Faith?

Long ago, I remember just when, I was reading this little book and one line stood out to me. It has stayed with me all these ten years.  It was right on the cusp of our burgeoning home Bible study turning into a full-fledged church.

It was this line, this question:

What in my life takes faith?

Oh, and it stopped me in my tracks. Because, you see, I like all my ducks in a row. I like all my t's crossed and my i's dotted.  I like money in the bank, assurance of a positive outcome, and very little room for error.  I still like these things, but I have asked myself this question over and over again the past ten years.

What in my life takes faith?

If I am working so hard to make sure everything is just right, what am I leaving up to God?  And what am I missing  out on?

Leaving our home church to start a church, that took faith.

No regrets, though.

Staying there through several job losses when we had the chance to go, that took faith.

Finally leaving home and mother and father and church and the best people in the world, that took faith.

Still does.

Homeschooling these children.

When the economy is bad and getting worse, and what makes financial sense is to go to work and put these kiddos in school so we can put them through college and put braces on their teeth.

When my fourth grader still doesn't read at grade level and the girls' bickering drives me mad and the loneliness mounts up and up and up.

By faith, I still choose to homeschool.

Praying for a year for a baby and believing that despite that last miscarriage 3 years ago that wrecked my hormones, that despite my age (a geriatric 36) and my husband's (a youthful 39), that even though it may seem absolutely crazy, God has promised it. And we step out on faith.

And baby is here, within.

When my only friend says she is moving away, not losing heart takes faith.

Stepping out, deciding I am the one God is calling to start a homeschool co-op in my town.  Seeing my mediocrity as a mom every day through my own eyes and these crazy kids and my own inability to do even one successful thing on my own... and yet following through, in faith.  In perfect peace. Despite minimal interest, I proceed.

There are many people who have made greater steps and sacrifices of faith than me.  But I am so thankful they are not my measuring rod.  The Lord God says that without faith, it is impossible to please Him.  And he knows my frame, He knows I am but dust, and He sees these baby steps as giant leaps, and He is pleased.

I've been considering how often I let fear stand in the way of even small steps of faith.  I recently posted a picture of me with my baby bump on Facebook, finally announcing our pregnancy to the outside world.  I hemmed and hawed and stressed and fretted that I should A. post the picture and B. announce the pregnancy, even after hearing the baby's heartbeat for the second time.  All these thoughts went through my mind.  I could still lose this baby.  Is it really safe to tell?  Is it okay to post this picture?  Will people think I'm showing off?  Will my bare arms offend someone?

I tend to be a very private person. Except perhaps here, I am more transparent. After all, I have a readership of about two (hi Moms!).  I rarely post my writing on Facebook.  And it's often fueled by fear. Fear of offending, fear of being transparent.  So posting that picture and that announcement was just a huge step of ... faith.  Checking  my heart. Why am I posting this?

Because I am overwhelmed with joy!  And the fear is always trying to steal my joy and this one time I just want to banish it and be brave and tell everyone, no matter what they think, that we have cause for joy.

And that is what I see when I look at that picture.

The faith God has given me. The joy He has put in my heart.  This journey He has us on, to walk by faith and not by sight.

To give Him room to do incredible things, even if it means scattering all our ducks.

So right now, when I look at my life, and ask What takes faith?, there is much.  And I can't wait to see what the Lord does with my little mustard seeds.

The Waiting

Tom Petty sang it well.  The waiting is the hardest part.

How often I hear one of my kiddos lament that they just can't wait til tomorrow for their friend to come over. Or they just can't wait  x number of weeks to earn enough money to buy what they want.

And I'm thinking in my head, Get used to it kiddos.  The waiting is part of this worldly life.  Yes, one of the hardest parts.

I shouldn't quote a rock n roller without quoting words more infinitely true and inspired, the words of God written through his prophet Habbakuk.

"Though the fig tree does not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,  the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet will I take joy in the Lord. I will rejoice in the God of my salvation." vs 3: 17, 18

This is where I'm at.  Still and again.  Waiting. Waiting on God, who is faithful and true, who keeps all his promises, who never leads me astray. But who does not act in the timing that I think He should act.  Almost never.

I remember waiting, with hope, on this amazing man who is now my husband.  I confess, I didn't have to wait quite as long as I thought I would to become his bride.  From a three week courtship to a three month engagement- that's a pretty quick trip to the altar.  But I remember how even that felt like an eternity.

I remember waiting to sell our former home, hoping every day to receive a call from the realtor that someone wanted to view it.  We got three calls. Third time was the charm. Just 77 days to sell it in a very depressed market, yet every day seemed like forever.

One day, I hope to look back on what is presently almost three years of waiting.  It may be, and probably will be, longer.  But I hope to look back on these three years of waiting for something.  Anything.  That next move, that next step, that act of God that finally makes these dry, desert, lonely years blossom into the fruitful and abundant, the gushing springs.

At this point, there is very little blossom, very little fruit.  Our endeavors seem to wither and fail.   It can be so easy to dwell on the empty places.

And yet.  In the waiting, the joy of the Lord can be our ready strength.  And if we yield to that, there is abundance after all.

Two "Oldies" to Try

I am decidedly behind the times.

I am rarely current on movies or books and pay little attention to what's new in music aside from the occasional scan through the radio stations.  Really, I have mediocre interest, and even less time for staying up-to-date on things.

But often, some of the best things out there find their way to me.

Books like The Kite Runner by Khaled Housseini.

I found a copy of this book at an annual library book sale on the Fourth of July, along with a few other gems (A Thousand Splendid Suns and The Book Thief).

The Kite Runner is easily one of my favorite books now, perhaps even vying for first place with To Kill a Mockingbird.  It is beautiful, redemptive, and perhaps, strangely, a book that drew me closer to God, though the god of this book was Allah.   While reading the recent history of Afghanistan, and seeing life through an average Afghans, my eyes were opened to the deep love my Father God has for these people.  To their suffering.  To their very humanness which is so like my own.  These Muslim people are not worthy of my fear or my scorn, but my compassion and the same love Jehovah-God feels for them.

Another book found it's way to me.

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

Many a time I've thought of trying it out, but haven't.  I recently found a copy at Goodwill and began reading it on a rainy day this week.

These tears well up in my eyes, but don't fall, as I read it.  Because I can relate to it so well.  The void between being saved from my sins but living a full and abundant life of joy in the midst of the daily.  Just as she began a list of gifts,  I began one. A list of gifts God gives me in the everyday.  Because this is what God has given me and I want to call it good.

More than likely I will not stay current on movies, unless it's the latest in the Marvel Avenger's series. Josh looks forward to those and they are about the only films we'll go to the theater to see.  And even though I am a music buff, the new stuff can be so full of ick that we stick to Christian radio for the most part.

So you'll never find me reviewing what's Cool and New, but maybe give these few oldies a shot.