They say it's lonely at the top, but it gets lonely at the bottom too. I don't believe for a second that my work at home is menial, but let's face it- it ain't glamorous. And most days of the year- probably 80% of them- the only people I see are my husband and my three children. Even my phone conversations with other adults are few and far between. I have to admit I kind of like it that way, I'm not a huge phone conversationalist. Most of my contact with the outside world comes via social media. And probably only 20% of those people are actually friends.
We're three days into our new school year and already I can see it's going to be a tough one. Maybe that is an unfair assessment so early on, but our workload seems to be heavier and the kids are being asked to really take it up a notch. So our three days have been very full and kind of tiring for all of us. Today we went to the local library and then to our town park, which is a beautiful place to take a walk and sit and draw for nature notebooks. The air was cool and breezy and it was so wonderful to be outside. I hate keeping everyone cooped up on beautiful days like this. We were the only people there today. We sat by the stream and had a snack. The kids drew for their journals. We walked across the bridge and down a path, then went to the playground. No one else ever showed up.
All over facebook, my friends are posting pictures of their children heading back to school. Their clothes are new and neat, backpacks on, they are smiling in excitement as they wait for the bus. They can't wait to meet their teacher and see their friends and use all their new school supplies.
It's such a stark contrast to "not going back to school" here. I'm the only one who's really excited. The kids don't look forward to meeting their teacher- it's me and they already know how I roll. I don't have the pleasure of welcoming them home each day and asking about their day. I am in every part of their day- the groans during math, the frustration in handwriting, and the evil eye seems to be on me most of the day.
These are the things I think of when I see all those smiling faces waiting for the bus and then find myself alone at the playground with my children. This is a lonely venture sometimes, especially since we moved.
As I pushed Petite on the swing and watched my older two climb the jungle gym and race around the paths, I forced myself to pray and remind myself of the truth. Lord, thank you that I can be home with my children. I truly am grateful. Help me to enjoy these moments when I have them to myself. It won't be long before I don't have anyone to push on the swings anymore. It won't belong before they are gone. Give me the strength to carry this through to the end.
And Lord, bring us some friends.
you have pulled the words from my heart and from my mouth!! (again) I wish I could find a kindred spirit close to home, none the less it is encouraging to hear another HS mom experiencing the same things. It has been tough ever since we moved also, in many ways. Hang in there, keep praying and keep positive! Know that even when you are feeling so alone, you truly are not. And now I will pray and take my own advice!!
ReplyDeleteYou have perfectly described how I feel this year. Alone. I feel as thought I am the only one continuing to homeschool through high school, and it is beginning to make me think that I am an odd ball. I see the pictures, too. Whenever I drive my son to soccer practice, I see the school and think about how everyone is starting their year - a year where someone else is the guidance counselor and all-round bad guy.
ReplyDeleteThis year for us is full of asking some to grow up and mature, others to pray about their direction in life, and about me learning to be calm. I am freaking out, and, it seems, freaking out alone.
I pray that the Lord sends you friends.
You are taking on two of the hardest jobs in the world and living in a new place away from friends and family. No wonder things can be difficult some days. Keep moving forward and I am sure things will be getting better.
ReplyDeleteSending positive thoughts your way!
I could have written those words. I am also very alone. It's a hard path. (((hugs)))) I'd love to be virtual friends :)
ReplyDeleteI will be praying the same prayer.